My Affair With The Pepsi Man

God this man is fine. He's 6'4'', chocolate, and slightly bow-legged. His ass looks tight in those blue slacks too. I just wanna lick him from head to toe. I really should just pay for my gas and get my ass back home but instead I wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and stepped out of the car. My boyfriend is going to KILL me! I walked up to him and asked him if he drinks Coke. He turned around flashed a bitch a Colgate smile. Straight and white and his lips look like they were made for my -ahem- yeah. He laughed and shook his head no. I smiled, pushed my number in his empty hand and struted away. An hour later my phone was ringing. He asks if it's okay if he doesn't tell me his name. I allow it, only because I wanted to work him over with no strings,staples,or nails attached. I don't know what the fuck I was thinking but I gave him my address, told him to meet me in 15 minutes and hung up on him. I halfway thought he'd be on some bullshit. HA! Yeah right. 14 minutes later he was at my door. I answered it naked. It was ON! That nigga fucked me six ways from Sunday and licked,sucked and kissed every single crevice of my body. "Ma'am if you're finished pumping your gas I'm going to have to ask you to move your car."

All the good shit is always a fucking dream!

Family Matters

So...I went to my Aunt Sara's funeral today (RIP). I have the most bamma family on the face of this Planet. These people are ghetto, kuntry, bourgie, stuck-up and a myriad of other things. I gotta be halfway nice since some of them DO read this. I SWEAR my cousin Shaneida (insert eye roll here) is THE definition of ghetto. This broad let her children come to the funeral with bags of chips and soda so they'd sit still. If that was the case she could have took them over to her Dad's house. (He's disabled and couldn't make the "homegoing celebration".) So KiKi and Janiah are sitting in the second pew right in front of me just munchin n shit like their at the damn movies. WHAT THE FUCK!? Then they pick the most bamma of all churches. Jesus is the Way Missionary Baptist Church (insert another eye roll) only seats 150 people comfortably and there was about 20-25 people standing up and 15 people scattered about in fold up chairs. SMDH! So we go through the motions and the pastor gets up to do his thing and starts talkin about how he went from a drug addicted gang banger to a preacha mayne. (insert SUPER eye roll) What in the blue fuck does that have to do with my deceased aunt? Nigga it's hot like two fat women in wool sweaters fightin over KFC and you're over capacity but you wanna sit here and tell us your life story. FUCK OUTTA HERE! So we get to the cemetary and it starts to rain....but yet again they wanna give long ass speeches! Let's GO already damn! So we get back to my Aunt Sara and Uncle LeRoy's house for foodage. Niggas, heat, food, liqour and small spaces
DO NOT mix! I've had a migraine since about 11am. I'm tired but can't sleep.

Preach It!.....or not.

What the hell is up with Mase and DMX. They both say their calling is to be pastors. Okay fine...you got the Holy Ghost yay for you nigga. But you continue to rap (and cuss alot) because God gave you a "gift"? That's lame as hell. I think that they're merely using religion for capital gain. Well, that and to excuse their bizarre behavior. I understand that some people have epiphanies n shit in their sleep and when they wake up they think they're prophets n shit. Okay cool I can accept that.But you're asying that God wants you to talk to the public about drugs,alcohol,hos,cars,clothes,and the ghetto....


Get real.

OMG!

I need this. Nissan needs to not bullshit on making this car a reality.

http://www.automobilemag.com/auto_shows/tokyo/

R.Kelly Magnets

-inhale- I see several little girls daily. Yanno just when I'm out and about and I want to know what's wrong with their parents. I see little girls around 11 and 12 years old dressing like they're on their way to the club. High heels, midriff tops, short ass skirts, etc. Where da fuck you think you goin? Full faces of make up. What in the red hell?

Now I understand that that's a rough time for a girl. She's starting puberty and she doesn't want to look like a little kid but she's not yet ready to dress for the Blue Flame. Some of these girls are fast as hell (fast=hot in the ass) and some aren't. They might have self-esteem issues. They might watch too many episodes of Top Model. They might be peepin in one too many Cosmo issues. They could have aspirations to be a model or a fashion designer. They might think that just because they have a models shape (skinny as hell) that they're entitled to dress like one. I'm not saying she should still be wearing velcro Barbie shoes, barrettes, Dora the Explorer shirts and shit but damn dress your age. Those short little skirts that everyone is wearing nowadays have no business being on a 11 years old ass. They're asking for trouble in several different forms. Padded bras because they're self-conscious about their little mini-boobs...oh HELL no. Mothers whose bodies have long gone into mommy hell live vicariously through their daughters bodies need their ass beat with 2x4's with nails in them. Okay that's harsh but I'm sayin though...

I don't have any kids so I'm sure you're all like "What the fuck do YOU know?". It's common sense. Everyone was in an uproar when R. Kelly had his little scandal with the 14 year old girl. Now these lil snots are walkin around lookin even worse. At least SHE had on some Teletubbie sandals. If I had a daughter that age I wouldn't have a problem with her dressing like a young girl but these chicks are taking it too far. 11 and 12 with eyeliner on? Uh Uh son. No tight ass jeans. No tight ass shirts. When you get dressed in the morning I'm gonna make you lift your arms up and if I see your stomach then you gotta go change. If I can see that quarter I gave you for milk in your back pocket...then you gotta go change. If I look at your face and you resemble a geisha girl you're gonna have to go wash your face. If I see you in some stilettos that are as high or higher than mine I'm going to break your nose. Which brings me to this...

Why the fuck are these mothers buying this kind of shit for their kids? Little boys walkin around with fake bling bling and shit. Baggy ass jeans that look like MC Hammer pants. Long ass shirts and shit. Nigga you gay? You got a DRESS on. He's ASKING for a fuckin wrap sheet. When you take your daughter shopping and she picks out clothes consider this...if you'd wear it then she has no business wearing it (within reason). Think of it like this: If what she picks out has potential in your closet to snatch up a fine ass man then she should put it back. This is the 21st century in America and sex sells better than EVERYTHING else. Naturally, the media and clothing designers would even make it appeal to little kids. That's just more dough in their pockets. They don't give a damn about what happens to your kid in the process. Have some sense for cryin out loud. -exhale-

When Enough Is Enough

Yea. I'm so ready to get the hell outta here. One negative occurance after another. This morning my aunt died. She was a severe diabetic and didn't take very good care of herself. But still. It's so sad. Ever since my NaNa passed in 1999 my whole family is just droppin like flies. It hurts. I know change is inevitable but it scares me sometimes. Some days I just REALLY wish I was little again and I could go back to not having a care in the world but eh I guess that's adulthood for ya.

This moving thing is messin with me too. It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place and not knowing whether I'm coming or going. Constant migraines I tell ya. I'm looking for a school to go to. Looking for a new job. Looking for serenity in America (but I've pretty much accepted that it's not gonna happen).

Friends. I have tons of them that do NOTHING for me except help me get drunk and shake my ass on random guys that I'll never see again. So....what do I need them for? I mean they're not benefitting me in any way. Is that selfish?

My week sucked ass. Sunday I had a SUBSTANTIAL amount of money stolen from me. Monday I broke my finger. Tuesday on the way to the movies me and my friend got pulled over for DWB. Handcuffs ain't cool. Wednesday I got in a car accident. Thursday sucked because Sunday - Wednesday sucked. This morning my aunt passed away. I'm getting so drunk this whole weekend.